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A Little Humour
Dog Heaven
First told around 1980, first print May 2017
This dog dies
and immediately goes up to dog heaven
there he meets the top dog
at the bone gate
and asks him
"Can I get my testicles back?"
ADAM III
30 April, 2006Adam was warming some soup in the kitchen feeling very lonely and evaluating his life as meaningless.
Then He heard God^s rumbling voice saying, ^What^s wrong with you?^
Adam felt so bad he could think of nothing to say but managed ^I don^t know.^
God said ^I know, you need a good woman. Someone who will cook your meals for you, keep your home clean, do your laundry, raise some children for you without nagging or complaining. Someone to keep you company and agree with all your decisions. If you have an argument she will be the first to admit she was wrong and will always let you have the last word. She will praise you privately and publicly and thank Me for you. She will never have a headache and will freely give you love and passion whenever you need it.�
^She will cost you an arm and a leg.^
^An arm and a leg!^ Adam echoed alarmed.
Then Adam asked, ^What can I get for a rib?^
History has a way of repeating itself.
Sign Of The Times
13 March, 2006Today I bought the smallest package of CD^s sold at Staples, a package of ten. I stored twenty years worth of writing in about two minutes. I did a quick calculation and figured that I have enough storage space to last me in excess of 1,500,000 years.
The Old Man At The Pearly Gates
26 November, 2005
A white haired old man approached the pearly gates and was greeted there
by Jesus.
Can I help you? He asked.
I^m looking for my son, the old man said. I was wondering if he was
inside.
There are a lot of people in there, Jesus said, does he have any
distinguishing features?
Yes, he has holes in his hands, the old man said.
This sharpened Jesus curiosity. Does he have any other distinguishing
features?
Yes, he has holes in his feet, the old man said.
Jesus was perplexed, Father? He said.
Pinocchio? Said the old man.
My Boss
26 November, 2005My boss, Larry, is well into retirement age and can find nothing more interesting to do than to continue working. I haven^t know him all that long but he is somewhat of a grump, rushed and is constantly putting the pressure on.
Over time I have become a little frazzled. In my frustration I approached his partner the other day and asked him to pass on a bit of inside information to Larry.
I know that Larry reveled over being on TV for that telethon. I heard that Elmer the Grump was retiring from Sesame Street.
Funny How Things Work Out
April 2, 2005I got a call this morning before getting dressed to let me know that Sabbath services have been cancelled today due to bad weather. After hanging up I thought, I think I^ll dress in more casual attire then. My alter ego jumped in and said, Your going to dress in a tire? ... on the Sabbath?
What kind of a Christian am I, a Holy Roller?
A Full Deck
You have heard the expression; he is one card short of a full deck. I say most people who think they have a full deck have cast out the two jokers.
The Lion And The Lamb
June 30, 2004
I face up to my boss like a lion
Well ... maybe more like a lamb
One day the lion and the lamb will graze together
Which then will be the braver
The lion who can roar or the lamb who fears him not
Which will be the humbler
Which will be the meeker
My boss is quite an intimidating figure
He calls himself a dinosaur.
...
Psychiatry And Evolution
July 5, 2004
A schizophrenic was visiting his psychiatrist.
The doctor asked, And how are your hallucinations now?
The patient responded, I^m not sure doc, are you a descendent of the apes?
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